Two more sleeps and I’m off to Toronto for a week.

One week of only having to look after myself. Seven sleeps there, only adults, building supplies spring buying market (sexier than you think), round tables, conferences, seminars… I can barely believe it.

I feel bad.

Not because I’m leaving my husband with the kids and not because I know damn well that my son will get a migraine once or twice while I’m gone and my husband and daughter will have to deal with it; also certainly not because I’m leaving with the fridge empty, the meals unplanned and the laundry undone.

My husband is a big boy, he knows how to cook, he knows where the grocery store is and he can bribe our daughter into doing laundry for him (she’ll probably do it for an extra half hour of watching TV).

I feel bad, because I am so damn excited about leaving!

A glimpse of what my life used to be, business, adults, fun, some drinks and adult conversations. Maybe I’ll even go to see a movie! Maybe I’ll even find time to drive downtown Toronto to meet the wonderful people from the Canadian Newcomer Magazine, for whom I write on a regular basis.

Yes, yes, yes, I love my children, I love my husband and I love living in Canada - so much love, but sometimes just not enough balance. I guess that’s what happens when you leave everything behind and start your life from scratch in your late 30s. Things tend to go crazy!

A total shift in being, in living and loving.

My excitement and my remorse, which came back to me like a boomerang, made me think. It made me think that it’s time for more balance in my life.

I decided to use this time away from my family as a chance to find some stillness within, some direction. I am still excited about leaving - but I am now also excited about coming back again with a renewed sense of direction and balance.