January 2012
77 posts
“Mr. D. congratulated me in front of the whole class on four years in Canada...”
– M.A. 10 years old and a real pioneer
just another dinner conversation
daughter: so i am reading the next alex rider book, it's called scorpio and they want to recruit him!
son: who wants to recruit him, scorpio or mi6?
husband: they want to hire him as a plumber?
daughter: daaad, he is a secret agent! and his dad was a hitman!
husband: so? he could still be a plumber. i am a plumber, do you think that's not cool?
son: not as cool as 007
husband: well i'd like to see him try and fix your toilet
daughter: daaaad
husband (to me): by the way, can you cut my hair right after dinner, i need to be done by 7
me: you are making a plan? what's going on? you have never made a plan in the 12 years we've been married
husband: you know intervention is on at 7!
me: wtf????
==================
addendum: my husband made it to the tv by 7 and is now watching intervention. i just heard the woman who is getting the intervention say that doing crack is almost like doing yoga. that is all.
“Febreze Anti-Bacterial to freshen up the puked-on sheets: $ 4.00
New shoes to...”
– yes, that would be me
1 tag
strep-throat and my life-expectancy
My son is sick.
If I just left it at that, everyone would probably still know what this means - the only thing worse than a sick man is a sick male child.
Well, my child has a strep-throat-mid-ear-sinus infection and so far it’s probably taken five years off my life. If doesn’t get better soon, I won’t live to see my 41st birthday.
My son is not a sickly child, but he is sick...
“What if kids actually grew on trees? Imagine that. Like head down, hanging there...”
– P.J., 14 years old and my cruel offspring
squid
We have lots of dinner conversations, our dinners are my favourite part of the day. My husband, who is German like the rest of us, says some really funny stuff sometimes - unintentionally. The kids and I see it as our mandate to correct him and point out the humor in it, it is only for his own best... This is one of my favourite dinner conversations we had, we still laugh about it lots (including my husband)!
daughter: I didn't do so well on my mathtest, but I get one re-take
me: i told you that you should study a little more
daughter: (rolling her eyes)
husband: i told you that school comes first. you need to make more of an effort, otherwise i won't let you do squid on the weekend
son: squid?
daughter: i don't want to make squid on the weekend, i don't even like squid
me: what your father is trying to say - and you know his english is not that good - is that you won't get to do squat on the weekend
husband: (rolling his eyes) quit making fun of me
me: i didn't laugh as hard this time as i did when you ordered a schoko-shake in the mcdonalds drive through
husband: schoko is universal, everyone should know that, but they don't know squid.
Hygiene
daughter: mom, can you please come here? we have a question about hygiene.
me - going to their room: what about hygiene?
daughter: does this hair on that lego person look more like my hair color or this hair (switches hair on lego person)
me: the first one. what are you doing?
son: she is building the statue of puberty out of lego and it's supposed to look like her.
daughter: no! it's the statue of Pauline, it's supposed to be me!
son: looks like puberty complexes to me
me: (rolling my eyes) so what about hygiene?
daughter: oh nothing, I just wanted to say something interesting so you would come here.
not a good idea // keine gute Idee
I like to think that I am pretty smart and when I see something that’s a neat idea, I like to try it out. Turns out this time it was not so smart (the idea was, but not me)…
...
Week in Review
Read my new blog, it’s been quite the week and even though I usually don’t do weekly reviews, I am making an exception this time.
Lucky me. Here is the blog.
Authority
When I went to college, one of the best classes I took was an American History class with a professor who was a real asshole, but the good kind. He made the class fun and we had awesome discussions about immigration, politics and generation x.
Anyway, I learned one of the most important things I ever learned in my whole life in that class. ALWAYS QUESTION AUTHORITY. Without that, there is no...
apocalypse
dinnertime
daughter: so i found out in school today that the world will end in 2012.
me: mmhhh
daughter: there are those people called the horsemen of the apocalypse and someone in manitoba saw the first one.
me: someone in manitoba saw a guy on a horse?
daughter: no, you know it's happening when you hear canon and trumpet sounds from the sky.
me: so someone in manitoba heard a thunderstorm?
daughter: no! it also has a hissing sound.
me-singing: thunderbolts and lightning, very very frighting
son: what are you singing?
me: bohemian rapsody
son: so whoever sings that is either old or dead, like with everything else you like
daughter: and then someone saw the second sign of the horsemen on you tube. there were two guys wandering through the woods and someone was screaming but there was nobody there.
me: so they saw the blair witch project on you tube?
son: is that something old again?
daughter: no, that was real. then mr. f. gave us fennel.
me: fennel? like fennel seeds or fennel tea?
daughter: no, they are little red candies.
me: fennel is not little red candies, it's a plant!
daughter: i know, but they also sell it as little red and white and orange candies at costco.
me: that can't be, maybe they are some fennel-flavoured candy, ask mr. f. what it's called.
daughter: why do you never believe anything? it's fennel. and the apocalypse is coming as well.
brownies
me: that smells good, did you bake something?
daughter: yes. we made those brownies for you and dad because we love you so much.
me: i didn't know we have brownie mix at home.
daughter: oh no, mom, that's what you use to make brownies, i make mine from scratch.
sick
my son has been sick constantly and i am by now grateful for any day when i don’t get a phone call from the school to pick him up.
what is real and what is exaggerated, i don’t know anymore. funny how our pediatrician back in germany already told us when he was 5 days old that he was going to give us a run for our money. he sure does.
then the family doctor, when he was 4: “i...
Advice
My son decided to set up a little table in his room and offer advice for the price of 50 cents. Since my husband was watching football and he felt that his sister really needs professional help, I was the one who had to pay up and ask for advice.
My question was: “What can I do when my kids don’t stop arguing with each other?”
His advice was centered around his theory that if...
“we all have our differences and we’re just going to have to deal with it....”
– pj, 14, drama queen
violence
daughter (today): i should be cast in the hunger games, i am violent; that would be a really good fit.
daughter (not too long ago): noooooo! don't step on that bumble bee, you'll get karma!
55murders
My daughter texted me from school during her lunch break. Like it was really urgent or something. The build-up was incredible. She texted about 5 times if I was busy and had time or not. Finally the revelation…
people's choice awards
my daughter watched the people's choice awards...
pj: i think maroon 5 should win. there it is, they win, that's what i said. why is there only two of them? how many people are in that band? mom, i think you have a crush on the lead singer, i can tell by the way you look right now.
pj: i knew water for elephants was going to win. this is robert pattison, look at that haircut. he is british, you know? he can talk normal, though, when he wants to.
pj: omg, i did not guess the last three awards right, what is going on? why is the hangover not the best comedy? when do i get to watch that anyway? do i really have to wait until i'm 18?
pj: that's not adele! didn't she just announce adele? who is that? faith hill? i thought she said adele a little bit weird, but who is faith hill. adele is not a country singer anyway.
pj: what? the big bang theory is not nominated? that is awkward. oh, look, there is betty white. right there. how old is she? she's funny anyway.
pj: finally i got one right. i knew it would be morgan freeman, he was in dolphin tale. who knows those other guys anyway? robert de niro? george clooney?
pj: what? why did the big bang theory not win? well, at least the guy who played in the smurfs won something. something about a mother.
pj: can we adopt an animal?
“today in my thompson language class mrs. s. told us about those creatures that...”
– brought to you by my 10 year old wise man
